End of 2018 Thoughts....

Happy December 31st! The official last day of 2018! A few days ago, I sat at the computer and felt compelled to just write whatever came to mind. Here's the result....

The past year, I've acknowledged my growth.  I've devoted considerable time to self-care and self-love. As I reflect upon my year, I am becoming emotional, realizing  how far my journey has taken me.. My motto for 2017 was, "I am enough!" I haven't just come to believe it, I've embodied it! I wouldn't say I suffered from low self-esteem, but I'm definitely more confident in the person I am today. One reason for that, is I am allowing myself to love me, as I am... whether I am happy and content or sad and feeling broken. Wherever I am, is okay...I don't need to have all the answers; I don't have to be fearful of making mistakes. I let life flow. I am guided by G-d's spirit; I will be where I am intended to be.

Most of my life, I felt pressured to be perfect. I knew I wasn't; still to me, it seemed everyone else expected that of me. I felt that I was placed on a pedestal. I was also chastised for being "too good" and that in turn made others “feel badly about themselves.” Being extremely sensitive, this would upset me. I couldn't change who I was.

Excerpt from Light is the New Black By Rebecca Campbell

What was I to do? I've always felt different. I don’t sweat the small stuff. I find most people are focusing on things that seem so trivial. I'm not being judgmental; it’s just hard for me to relate. Instead of small talk, I prefer to jump right into a conversation, discussing philosophy or talking about ancient civilizations. I want to learn about a person's core beliefs and what they’re truly passionate about. As I've gotten older, I've learned that this is because I am an old soul. Ask me how old I am, and sometimes, I'll pause; twenty-three years of age, doesn't always come to mind. I have an inexplicable sense of wisdom. I was also blessed with a selfless paternal grandmother; she is no longer on this earth with me; but, I know, she is my guardian angel. I have her eternal love and strength of character pulsing through my veins; I believe that may be the reason that I am as empathetic as I am.

My life experiences, both good and bad, have placed me in this exact moment in time. I've been guided on my current path and I couldn't be more grateful. I like to say, "I turn my pain into purpose" and strive to live my life, with honesty and integrity. I write blogs like these to share my inner thoughts, and to share the journey of my personal growth in hopes of connecting with my readers and inspiring them.

I have reached a juncture in my life where I feel whole. I've done the work and discovered the source of many of my insecurities. Last week, while talking with a dear friend, I answered my own question: “What is preventing me from creating magnificent things for myself?” I begin the creative process but stop myself from attaining far greater successes. What would happen if I just allowed myself to put my creations out there? I often nurture others and their dreams, putting their needs before my own. What if I poured the same amount of time and love into myself? I'm ready to begin a new chapter in my life. I don't know what 2019 has in store for me....but I know it's going to be amazing.

I want to be a voice for those with invisible illnesses, to let them know they aren't alone. I want to stand up for the ones who identify differently from the "norm." What makes the world so great is our diversity. I want to continue to be the light that leads others from the darkness. My calling is to help others, even if it is merely by being available to them and listening. I have tried to fit into a preconceived idea, to make sense of “what I want to do with my life." If I am honest with myself, I have a sense of why I am here...and what I am meant to do. I wasn't put on this earth to fill a void. It is my purpose to create something unique, something unlike anything that has been created before. 

I don't require a nine-to-five job or a standardized education. Those are the opinions of others. I am not one to align with societal norms or expectations. I am meant to be an innovator. My intuition is guided by our Creator. It is time to truly heed the call. One of my greatest discoveries of 2018 is my own voice. I need not be afraid to stand up for what I truly believe. Will fear appear along the way? Most certainly it will! But staying true to one’s self is when miracles will begin to take shape!

I'd love to hear what you are most looking forward to in the coming year. Also, what is something you will commit to?

I commit to living in the moment as much as possible and to create new things, with pure love and joy!